My Helium.Com Article: Home Schooling Socialization Solutions

My pseudonym over at helium is Alexia Wincorescholl, IOW, this is not a plagiarized article. However, I have done a bit of editing before posting here.

One must wonder whether or not people research before forming their opinions of home schoolers and socialization...which, in my not so humble opinion is a non-issue. Are there no shy children, weirdos, children who do not interact well with strangers, children who do not interact well with their peers, and other children in public or private schools? We can safely assume, by way of the experience of having gone to school as children and teens ourselves (unless you were home schooled that is), that there are many children in public schools who fit those characteristics. Most children in school fall somewhere in between the characteristics in question and the popular crowd and this is close to how it is throughout the rest of society as well; you have extreme introverts and extreme extroverts but most of us fall in the middle.

When people comment on others being socially inept, what exactly does that mean? What if the child with social problems is kind, honest, loving, giving and caring....what is wrong with him/her and do you think they will never talk to anyone, ever? Keep in mind that many children like this were/are often emotionally traumatized their entire childhood by being called names like "Geek," "Nerd," "Techy." What if the child with no social problems is arrogant, rude, dishonest, self-centered (and are often the types to name-call those who do not fit into their little cliques)...what exactly is so special about them? Does not character count for something when it comes to functioning socially in society?

The fact is...everyone is different; we are human beings, not robots. Whether one goes to school or is home schooled does not make a difference on their personalities or if they are introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between. We have two children; our thirteen year-old son has been home educated since the end of his third grade year and our ten year-old daughter has never been to school. Both of our children have no problem interacting with their peers, younger children, teens, adults, or the elderly. When we go to stores, the bank, gas station...both (gasp) say, "Hello" to the employees and often they converse with them as well. When they meet children and/or people they do not know...they do not stand shaking and sweating in the corner with their hearts racing because they are *afraid* of not knowing how to engage in conversation or play with other children. It did not take being in a classroom all day with one teacher and 20+ peers to learn how to be social or how to act in our society.

Even though our son went to school from Pre-K through Third Grade, it is our daughter who has the more outgoing personality and not our son; he is more the laid back slightly shy type of guy...but he still speaks to those he does not know whether other children or adults. Our daughter smiles and greets everyone and is quick to strike up conversations. You would not believe the amount of compliments my husband and I have received on how respectful our children are, how they are good listeners, and good debaters...it continues to blow us both out of the water. Aren't those qualities of which home school naysayers claim they should be having problems with? According to them, should not our children be able to do those things? You sure would think so, based on their opinions. Here is the kicker...unlike many other home schoolers, our children are not involved in any activities outside of meeting with our home school group (consisting of various races, Christians, Agnostics, Atheists, Deists, etc.) once a week and seeing their friends on a regular basis.

What have we done as their parents to cause such a *phenomenon* when it comes to enhancing their socialization skills? We have lived life just like people have been doing since humans came into existence thousands of years ago and long before compulsory schooling came into existence. Our children go places with us and/or with others. They see how we relate to everyone around in the world both in and outside of our home including neighbors, friends, strangers, and employees.

We do not *shelter* our children from the rest of society either. When I typed this article a couple of weeks ago, our ten year-old daughter was over eight hours away at Disney World with her best friend and family having the time of her life. Last year our children flew to Michigan to visit their grandparents in the northern and central part of the state...alone. Whilst up there, they made friends with children they have never even heard mention of before and my mother (who at one time had the same misconceptions of socialization and home schoolers) said that our children were usually the first ones to introduce themselves. Her friends could not believe that our children were home schooled because of their social skills...many pointed out their exemplary behavior as well.

Our daughter was born with one of her pinkie-toes shaped like a little heart (it looks as though the bone "split") and it is webbed to the fourth toe; we used to tell her that it would help her run faster...and this child can run! [smile] About a year and a half ago, she was in a gymnastics class and upon introduction to her classmates, she immediately showed everyone her *special* pinkie-toe. Quite a few of the girls replied, "Cool" and others just sort of grimaced, however, our daughter did not care. You see, she is confident in herself and does not care what others think so the grimaces did not bother her at all because it was their problem, not hers. She made many friends but grew bored with gymnastics so decided not to go anymore; right now she is contemplating reentering the program.

Drugs are prevalent in our neighborhood and that includes amongst teens as well and a few of them are on our street. Just because we *home school* does not mean that our children are locked up and have their friends picked out by mom and dad. There were a few boys that he would spend time taking bike rides, playing football and basketball, playing video games, going down to the park, and just standing around shooting the bull with. My husband and I knew these other boys have been involved with drugs, alcohol, and a couple incidences of vandalism but we trusted our son to determine whether or not to hang out with them....he chose not to. Our son would rather have one or two good friends than go against his nature to fit in just to have more friends. One day, the guys asked him to go canoing on the bay across from our home and we told him that he could go and were surprised only to have him come home a few minutes later. Of course we asked the inevitable question, "Why are you back so soon?" He replied, "I don't want to hang out with them anymore. I went down there hoping to go out on the bay but they wanted to smoke marijuana and canoe at the same time. I have seen how they act when they are doped up and decided not to be a part of it." He has not hung out with them since; he enjoys hanging out with his friends who choose not participate in *delinquent* activities.

Most home schoolers, albeit there may be a few with other than good intentions, want what is best for their children. We are not keeping our children home for some secret mission ensuring they do not know what to do once they reach adulthood, and that, I can promise you.