Our son's dramatic change towards learning...

When we pulled Zak out of school over five and one half years ago he hated learning, reading, writing, and all things of a *schooly* nature. His private and public schooled days were filled with getting up early and having so much homework that he barely had time to spend with family, let alone be a child. Although he managed B's and C's, it was a struggle that came only as a result of having entire days spent studying. So, what did I do when we first started home schooling him? I tried to do "school at home". That method works for some and I do not personally find myself in the position to condemn how anyone home schools their child, but it was definitely not for us.

After practically being angry with him for not trying "hard enough" and after every day being a battle for the first several months, I decided it best for me to learn more regarding how children learn and why some are resistant. I delved into just about every philosophy out there and came to the conclusion that a relaxed and eclectic home education atmosphere would be best. When I started to let go of the mainstream thinking about how children should be educated and allowed freedom to become a stronghold, changes began. Me letting go did not happen right away as we went from traditional schooling, to school at home,to unit study based education, to Charlotte Mason Method (we still implement quite a few of her principles), unschooling, and often times back and forth.

Zak's first claim to having freedom in learning happened when he was nine years old and he spent over three months studying Egypt. How wonderful, but then after that three months was finished he grew tired of studying Egypt and remained in limbo for quite a time. Of course, I panicked and started to force full learning again but a few months later he was into learning the Greek alphabet. He spent weeks studying Greek and learning how to annunciate the letters...he still remembers both his Greek and Egypt self-studies. After I allowed the Harry Potter books into our home, he read the first four books in just a few months...if he wanted to read them all day, I let him read all day. Whenever he has been interested in a subject of his choice that he is really passionate about, I've let him go for as long as he wanted. IOW, I've never said, "Okay Zak, you can only study Greek/Egypt until 9:30, time for you to read about something you care nothing of because the kids at school who are your age are learning this."

Zak used to struggle with mathematics. I totally backed off on this for quite awhile until Donnie said, "Sandy, he has to know how to do math. Take your time and go slow, make sure he understands before moving along to the next lesson, but I want him doing math." So, as per Donnie's request, we implemented math into our day. ***Keep in mind that my hubby was not studied about learning philosophies and so I felt differently and was not worried about Zak and math*** He already knew how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide but fractions were his "enemy", lol. Out of the blue about a year and a half ago, still not knowing how to do fractions he asked me if he could learn algebra. "What?! But you do not even know your fractions yet." Ah, stop me right there because that is schoolish thinking at its finest...you can't move on until after you've learned this concept. So, I purchased an algebra curriculum and you know what? He understood it. The reason is because algebra made sense to him; it is concrete and not abstract. We ran into problems later in the course, due to the curriculum not coming with an extensive teaching manual or crystal clear instructions and chose to go with [i]Saxon Math[/i]. Zak has literally blown me away; Geometry, fractions, algebra, story problems, mental math, and more he has learned by self-study. Zak has a positive attitude towards math and if and when he needs help, we are just a "Mom/Dad" away.

Lately he has taken interest in the military and he spends hours learning about careers available in the Navy, college requirements for being an officer, military history, ship disasters and umpteen other things. Wow, just wow! I am 38 years old, ex-Navy, and he already knows more than I ever knew. And, guess what famous artist he was inspired to learn about after reading about submarines yesterday...DaVinci; he just finished reading two chapters of book about this wonderful, talented, and amazing artist and he enjoyed doing so.

Science has always been an interest of his but not when it comes to doing experiments, though he will do them...it is just that normally, because he is a logical thinker, he usually knows the results by simply thinking things through. He loves learning about planets, black holes, the big bang, and retains damn near anything he's learned from reading or watching educational shows about science...unlike his mother who still falls asleep. ;-) My passion for science is more along nature: plants, flowers, trees, mammals, reptiles, etc.

I'm so proud of him, not for reasons you may think though...I'm proud of him because he has taken his own life into his own hands. I'm proud of him for knowing that he is responsible for his life. I'm proud of him for setting goals, his top two being dual enrollment into our local college at age 16 and joining the Navy as an officer (and I would still be proud if he were to change his mind because he will work at achieving any goal(s) he sets for himself). I'm even more proud that his decisions and "go for it" attitude have not come because we have forced competitive sports, or pushed college (like many parents do...to each their own) as if it is "the" only way to go in life.

Zak is a wonderful, intelligent, kind (okay, his little sister may beg to differ on some of these things, lol), caring, considerate, strong, thoughtful, respectful, and well-balanced human being. I believe that there is nothing he isn't capable of doing should he set his heart and mind upon it. Now, if only I could encourage him to play the guitar regularly...he knows that he's brought tears to my eyes because his *originals* are so beautiful on the acoustic guitar, lol, maybe that is why he doesn't play. :-)

My Helium.Com Article: Home Schooling Socialization Solutions

My pseudonym over at helium is Alexia Wincorescholl, IOW, this is not a plagiarized article. However, I have done a bit of editing before posting here.

One must wonder whether or not people research before forming their opinions of home schoolers and socialization...which, in my not so humble opinion is a non-issue. Are there no shy children, weirdos, children who do not interact well with strangers, children who do not interact well with their peers, and other children in public or private schools? We can safely assume, by way of the experience of having gone to school as children and teens ourselves (unless you were home schooled that is), that there are many children in public schools who fit those characteristics. Most children in school fall somewhere in between the characteristics in question and the popular crowd and this is close to how it is throughout the rest of society as well; you have extreme introverts and extreme extroverts but most of us fall in the middle.

When people comment on others being socially inept, what exactly does that mean? What if the child with social problems is kind, honest, loving, giving and caring....what is wrong with him/her and do you think they will never talk to anyone, ever? Keep in mind that many children like this were/are often emotionally traumatized their entire childhood by being called names like "Geek," "Nerd," "Techy." What if the child with no social problems is arrogant, rude, dishonest, self-centered (and are often the types to name-call those who do not fit into their little cliques)...what exactly is so special about them? Does not character count for something when it comes to functioning socially in society?

The fact is...everyone is different; we are human beings, not robots. Whether one goes to school or is home schooled does not make a difference on their personalities or if they are introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between. We have two children; our thirteen year-old son has been home educated since the end of his third grade year and our ten year-old daughter has never been to school. Both of our children have no problem interacting with their peers, younger children, teens, adults, or the elderly. When we go to stores, the bank, gas station...both (gasp) say, "Hello" to the employees and often they converse with them as well. When they meet children and/or people they do not know...they do not stand shaking and sweating in the corner with their hearts racing because they are *afraid* of not knowing how to engage in conversation or play with other children. It did not take being in a classroom all day with one teacher and 20+ peers to learn how to be social or how to act in our society.

Even though our son went to school from Pre-K through Third Grade, it is our daughter who has the more outgoing personality and not our son; he is more the laid back slightly shy type of guy...but he still speaks to those he does not know whether other children or adults. Our daughter smiles and greets everyone and is quick to strike up conversations. You would not believe the amount of compliments my husband and I have received on how respectful our children are, how they are good listeners, and good debaters...it continues to blow us both out of the water. Aren't those qualities of which home school naysayers claim they should be having problems with? According to them, should not our children be able to do those things? You sure would think so, based on their opinions. Here is the kicker...unlike many other home schoolers, our children are not involved in any activities outside of meeting with our home school group (consisting of various races, Christians, Agnostics, Atheists, Deists, etc.) once a week and seeing their friends on a regular basis.

What have we done as their parents to cause such a *phenomenon* when it comes to enhancing their socialization skills? We have lived life just like people have been doing since humans came into existence thousands of years ago and long before compulsory schooling came into existence. Our children go places with us and/or with others. They see how we relate to everyone around in the world both in and outside of our home including neighbors, friends, strangers, and employees.

We do not *shelter* our children from the rest of society either. When I typed this article a couple of weeks ago, our ten year-old daughter was over eight hours away at Disney World with her best friend and family having the time of her life. Last year our children flew to Michigan to visit their grandparents in the northern and central part of the state...alone. Whilst up there, they made friends with children they have never even heard mention of before and my mother (who at one time had the same misconceptions of socialization and home schoolers) said that our children were usually the first ones to introduce themselves. Her friends could not believe that our children were home schooled because of their social skills...many pointed out their exemplary behavior as well.

Our daughter was born with one of her pinkie-toes shaped like a little heart (it looks as though the bone "split") and it is webbed to the fourth toe; we used to tell her that it would help her run faster...and this child can run! [smile] About a year and a half ago, she was in a gymnastics class and upon introduction to her classmates, she immediately showed everyone her *special* pinkie-toe. Quite a few of the girls replied, "Cool" and others just sort of grimaced, however, our daughter did not care. You see, she is confident in herself and does not care what others think so the grimaces did not bother her at all because it was their problem, not hers. She made many friends but grew bored with gymnastics so decided not to go anymore; right now she is contemplating reentering the program.

Drugs are prevalent in our neighborhood and that includes amongst teens as well and a few of them are on our street. Just because we *home school* does not mean that our children are locked up and have their friends picked out by mom and dad. There were a few boys that he would spend time taking bike rides, playing football and basketball, playing video games, going down to the park, and just standing around shooting the bull with. My husband and I knew these other boys have been involved with drugs, alcohol, and a couple incidences of vandalism but we trusted our son to determine whether or not to hang out with them....he chose not to. Our son would rather have one or two good friends than go against his nature to fit in just to have more friends. One day, the guys asked him to go canoing on the bay across from our home and we told him that he could go and were surprised only to have him come home a few minutes later. Of course we asked the inevitable question, "Why are you back so soon?" He replied, "I don't want to hang out with them anymore. I went down there hoping to go out on the bay but they wanted to smoke marijuana and canoe at the same time. I have seen how they act when they are doped up and decided not to be a part of it." He has not hung out with them since; he enjoys hanging out with his friends who choose not participate in *delinquent* activities.

Most home schoolers, albeit there may be a few with other than good intentions, want what is best for their children. We are not keeping our children home for some secret mission ensuring they do not know what to do once they reach adulthood, and that, I can promise you.

Supportive Parenting, Education, Motivation

Supportive Parenting, Education, Motivation

Whether one chooses to be a street sweeper or chooses to be a biologist, if a person is truly motivated to do something they love, they really can be anything they want (within reason).

I spoke with my friend Marlene whose younger sister, 25, is graduating from college in a month or two. Her sister's passion is biology. While taking college courses over the past few years, she found it hard to maintain a 2.8 or above grade average, which the college reacted by giving her the almighty boot. Instead of giving up, she went back to community college to bring up her grades in order to try again for a Bachelor's Degree in biology; it took two times of going back to community college but she has done it, she will now be receiving her Bachelor's Degree in Biology. She had to pay for college on her own and took on several jobs in order to finish, she did whatever it took to become what she wanted to be. I find her motivation and drive very admirable. What if she would've given up after being kicked out the first time? I suppose she'd be working at a job she could tolerate or hate just to make it through life like so many other Americans.

One of my other friends has a daughter graduating with a Bachelor's Degree in History this Saturday...her daughter, age 20, was completely unschooled until age 16 when she chose to enroll in our local community college's dual enrollment program. To be completely unschooled means that her daughter never once had any lesson forced upon her for her entire childhood, she was allowed to do she wanted which happened to be a lot of reading and writing and playing. Even though her math skills fell a bit short, the college had a basic math program that enabled her to "catch up", and though she did not know a lot of grammatical terms, she flew through English classes as well. Her passion is history and next she wants to go for a Masters Degree. What an amazing young lady!

Two girls who were educated at opposite ends of the spectrum, their commonalities? Supportive parents and motivation. I am proud of both of them, however...

I am not one who equates graduating from college as THE end all, be all of *success*, but rather I equate *success* on a per person basis. Money may make life easier but it does not always equal happiness. Whether one goes to college or enters the military, if they are a stay at home mom or a waitress, a street sweeper or a doctor, so long as they are happy, IMO, they have achieved success.

I think it is crucial for parents not to be dream/passion killers; we can offer up our $.02 but we need to tread carefully when it comes to what our children are motivated to do when they are older. If the world is against them, making them feel unworthy and/or stupid, we should be right there telling them, "You can BE whatever you want to be, do not allow others to ruin your self-esteem".

One thing our society has done over time, and that I feel needs to be changed, is sometimes we tend to want our children to soooo badly go to college, that we pressure them into going and if they don't, not only do they feel like failures in the eyes of their parents but failures to themselves. Teenagers are not stupid, they know college is there should they CHOOSE to go. There are a lot of people I know who had such a strong distaste left over via traditional education that the last thing they wanted to do was go for another four years once they reach the age of 18. Many of these people have gone back in their 30's and 40's and they are doing wonderfully! Most are surprised to have learned that college is more about choosing what you want to learn rather than being forced to learn a bunch of things in which you have absolutely no interest. This is not to say that the college attendee never has to do anything they don't want to BUT if their passion outweighs their loathing of a certain subject, it won't matter, they will do whatever it takes in order to graduate in their chosen field of study.

What about the child who does not choose to go to college? Be supportive anyway, maybe they'd be happier in a non-college orientated field. Encouraging them and letting them know that if they are not happy they can switch jobs, start their own business, etc., you are doing your job.

Summer Vacation: Things to do with your children

IMO, the reason many children get bored easily and many parents find themselves at a loss when it comes to their children being on school break is because we have grown accustomed to thinking that putting them in this/that/or the other is a must and that we are *bad* parents for not doing so. That being said....it is OKAY for your children to be with you the majority of time this summer. It is OKAY for your children not to have a schedule whether it be it play dates or a group activity...you are not alone.

And now...the list:

1)Get up early and watch the sun come up.

2)Stay up late and watch the sun go down.

3)Take a walk everyday with your child(ren) even if just for ten minutes.

4)Let them read for hours if they so desire.

5)Head to the library for story time.

6)Go to a place full of various types of nature and allow your children to take pictures of anything and everything. Suggest that they write a story (and please, do not be critical of spelling and grammar errors...just fix them yourself and print it off on the computer or something so they are able to view it in its proper form) about what interested them most. If your child(ren) are too young to write you could have them dictate their thoughts to you.

7)Find a nearby free museum.

8)Bake and cook... a lot! This helps children not only be creative but also reinforces/introduces fraction concepts. A great book is called "Food Art" and it is geared toward younger children and has difficulty levels throughout.

9)Make a small garden together and let them choose the flowers to go into it.

10)Go to the vast array of science sites online and do a weekly and inexpensive or no cost science experiment.

11)Lie on the grass and watch the clouds drifting by.

12)For older children, head to a park with lots of trees and let the climb away.

13)Bike ride through the neighborhood, if it is safe.

14)Linger at the grocery store and do not rush it. Let younger children weigh and help pick out fruits and other goods. Hand your teen $20 and a small list and ask them to find the best value and they can keep whatever is left from the $20.

15)Visit some elderly people in your neighborhood. ***THIS IS NEEDED*** Just the other day we were walking our dog and stopped in to visit an elderly man in our neighborhood whose wife died last year, they had been married for 67 years. He said to me, "Sandy, I am so glad that you all stopped by. Last year, a couple of weeks after my wife died I almost killed myself (he told me that God stopped him). You have to understand that I spent every morning with her for 67 years reading the paper and drinking coffee and then she was gone. I walked to the end of my dock and considered killing myself; I was going to leave my cane there so that everyone would know what happened. Every day after she died, I hoped that someone would knock on my door and visit me." Crying or Very sad We are going to make a visit to him regularly from now on. The kids have visited him on their own before but it was sporadic in nature. Many elderly feel like our neighbor, especially if they have been married for decades. Please, please stop in and visit even if just for a few minutes once or more a week...you can truly make their day!

16)Capture a few insects and do a small study. Start a butterfly garden or ant farm.

17)Draw and/or paint. Do not worry about your driveway...let younger children use that sidewalk chalk or paint.

18)Have an all movie day!

19)Listen to all kinds of music and dance around the house. Another idea here would be to have a THEME week! If you are fortunate enough to have XM or Satellite radio put on the World Zone types or go to the library and borrow a CD. Gear your whole week around an entire country. Try some new dishes. Make paper plate masks of the animals in the country you are visiting. Watch a movie or have books around geared towards that country. Base crafts around the culture you are studying as well. Also, you could make up a passport and travel log and then at the end of summer check out every country you’ve *visited*.

20)Let your little ones and older ones help around the house.

21)Build with legos or geo-magnets.

22)Put seedlings in eggshells with some dirt and watch them grow.

23) If your spouse has a lunch hour, meet them up at the closest park or picnic bench once each week.

24) Have a backwards day! Eat dinner for breakfast, breakfast for lunch, lunch for supper and allow dessert to be eaten first.

25) Allow teens to have a weekly/bi-weekly/or monthly "teen day" and have their friends over for the day and/or night. The *condition* could be that they are responsible for cleaning up when it is all over.

26) Your teen could perhaps could find an older person who shares their passion and *apprentice* under them for the summer, or volunteer within an area that they would enjoy.

27) Have an all day video game day and actually play the games with your teen and/or child(ren) whether you like the game or not.

28) Have a back yard camp-out.

29) If you have more than one child, pick twice a month to where one parent does something ALONE with each of them. It is good for children to do something just with Dad or just with Mom without their sibling(s).

30) Find out what your teens passion is and do everything you can to help them get what they need in order to get started on that course (within reason and of course, affordable).

31) Save for a canoe trip.

32) Go fishing.

33) Go for a hike.

34) Take a day trip to the caves in Merriam.

35) Saturday or Sunday bowling. Many places have inexpensive prices on weekend mornings.

36)DO NOTHING! Let them be alone in their thoughts. They need to be able to find peace and happiness without someone always being the initiator...despite their age and stay at home parents could use a dose of the same thing. Smile You do not have to constantly entertain. You do not always have to have something to do, in fact, doing so restricts and inhabits one’s ability to find tranquility, ponder, be alone in their thoughts, find self-fulfillment, and use imagination.

________________________________________________________

Instead of having a once a week culture *study* do it every other week or every three weeks or once a month...that way, there is something to look forward too and it won’t grow old. You could even invite others over for the *final day* and have an inexpensive theme based party. Grab those water balloons and water guns, whatever, and just enjoy.

That is all I can think of for now! LOL

6:02 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit -